"Dr. Hackenbush"

En guise d’introduction au film A Day A The Races, Harry Ruby et Bert Kalmar avaient composé une chanson intitulée Dr. Hackenbush du nom du personnage joué par Groucho dans le film. Malheureusement, le film étant trop long, la chanson ne fut jamais filmée. Mais elle n’est heureusement pas tombée dans l’oubli grâce à Groucho qui l’appréciait particulièrement et qui l’a même enregistrée en 1951.

Choir :
So this is Doctor Hackenbush
the famous medical
You’re welcome, Doctor Hackenbush

Dr. Hackenbush (Groucho Marx) :
If that’s the case, I’ll go!

Choir :
Oh no, you mustn’t go!

Dr. Hackenbush (Groucho Marx) :
Who said I mustn’t go?
The only reason that I came is so that I can go

Dr. Hackenbush (Groucho Marx) :
I’m Doctor Hackenbush
my medical standing’s very high
well anyways ladies and gentlemen
I am Doctor Hackenbush

Choir :
He’s Doctor Hackenbush

Dr. Hackenbush (Groucho Marx) :
I’m Doctor Hackenbush

Dr. Hackenbush (Groucho Marx) :
As a matter of fact, to be exact
I’m Doctor Hackenbush

Girl :
I’m sure that they’d all like to hear
some facts about your great career

Dr. Hackenbush (Groucho Marx) :
Although my horn I hate to blow
there’s one thing that you ought to know
I’m Doctor Hackenbush
which all my friends will verify
well anyways ladies and gentlemen
I am Doctor Hackenbush

Choir :
He’s Doctor Hackenbush

Dr. Hackenbush (Groucho Marx) :
I’m Doctor Hackenbush

Dr. Hackenbush (Groucho Marx) :
You never would guess, but nevertheless
I’m Doctor Hackenbu-u-u-u-sh
For ailments abdominal, my charges are nominal
Though I’m great for, I’ve a rate for tonsillectomy
sick and healthy, poor and wealthy, come direct to me
“Oooh, God bless you!” they yell
When I send them home well
But they never, no they never, send a cheque to me
I’ve won acclaim for curing ills, both in the North and South
You’ll find my name just like my pills in everybodys’ mouth
I’ve never lost a case

Choir :
He’s never lost a case!

Dr. Hackenbush (Groucho Marx) :
I’ve lost a lot of patients but I’ve never lost a case!
My diagnosis never fails
I know just what to do
Whenever anybody ails
I’m sympathetic too
My heart within me melts

Choir :
His heart within him melts

Dr. Hackenbush (Groucho Marx) :
No matter what I treat them for, they die from something else
When your nerves start to rock, put your faith in your doc
When you’re sick he will stick to the end
With the possible exception of your mo-o-other
A doctor’s a mans’ best friend

Choir :
Yes! A doctor’s a mans’ best friend

Dr. Hackenbush (Groucho Marx) :
A doctor’s a mans’ best friend!
Oh-oh! A doctor’s a mans’ best friend!

Choir :
A doctor is...

Dr. Hackenbush (Groucho Marx) :
A doctor is a mans’ best friend
Right or wrong, wrong or right
Night and day, day and night
On his call you can always depend
With the possible exception of your mother and your father
and your sisters and your brothers
and your nephews and your nieces
and your uncles and your cousins
whom you number by the dozen
A doctor’s a mans’ best friend!